Iron Chef America

Iron Chef America (ICA) drives me crazy. It STARTS with a cheesy premise. Kevin, Alton, stick to whatcha do best and give up the hokey emcee duties. The original Iron Chef is admittedly cheesy, but it is apparently done in full earnest. Although, the fellow playing "Chairman Kaga" does seem to be having a good time playing a parody of a Japanese Liberace. You can see him cracking up in the opening credits.

Note to the people at Food TV: hamburger, cheese and chicken are not good "secret ingredients". One of the charms of the original Iron Chef (apart from the incredibly bad voiceovers dubbed in) is the use of ingredients which are totally weird. Live pike eels and sea urchins that Iron Chefs have to actually kill and dissect on camera. Giant turnips and burdock leaves. Potatoes probably ARE a challenging secret ingredient in Japan. They don't freaking GROW the damn things in copious quantities there.

Also, could your psuedo Chairman pick Morimoto once in a while? He is currently the Masahiko Kobe (Iron Chef Italian on the original) of the show in that he only gets picked about one out of ten times. Bobby Flay has about 40 shows on the Food Network if I want to watch him cook and he displays little of Sakai-san's (Iron Chef French, Hiroyuki Sakai, on the original) charm while doing so. Mario is on every day. And did Kat Cora just get tired of being the token girl chef? I realize that your choices of female chefs are limited to Kat Cora, Sarah Moulton and Gayle Gand (pastry chef, but still an actual chef), but c'mon!

Why do the judges on ICA all have something to do with food? Again, part of the charm of the original Iron Chef is having a baseball player, a bimbo, a legislator and a fortune teller judging the dishes. And wondering just what in the hell a Rosanjin scholar is and how it qualifies a person to be a food critic.

Finally, would you just take the damn ice cream machine away? Most of the Iron Chefs have wised up enough not to use it any more unless they are actually making something appropriately dessert-like, but it is no longer shocking when a challenger purees the secret ingredient to make a sorbet out of it. And you can all stop sounding like it is really wild when they do.

I am boycotting Iron Chef America. Swear to God.

Fish Fry

Since it is the season for fish fries at local churches, I thought I'd share some recipes that make for a good fish fry.

I don't usually heat up large quantities of oil and fry things, but a fish fry is a different matter. I'm fortunate to have a brother and two nephews who like to fish, so I get a ready supply of Lake Erie walleye and perch fillets that are perfect for fish fry treatment throughout the year. The basics, for me, are freshly fried fish, coleslaw and hot rice. You can have people in and have them bring covered dishes like mac and cheese, cheesy potatoes and a host of salads and desserts, which makes the basics a nice kickoff for a fun potluck get together. If you're feeling ambitious, you could do french fries, but I've never missed them. Everyone should hang out in the kitchen while you're frying the fish, preferably with a cold beer in hand. It all gets served up buffet style, and paper plates are practically de riguer! No fancy china here, that's for sure.

I prefer a sweet-sour vinegar-based coleslaw, like that served at the chicken houses in nearby Barberton. That's also where the hot rice recipe comes from. Of course, once you try the fish, you will probably come up with your own favorite sides! That's a good thing, too.

I learned how to prep the fish from my brother's now ex-mother-in-law, Pat. She still makes the best. Our families have remained close in spite of the the divorce. My ex-sister-in-law cuts my hair and my dad's hair, and it's not unusual for Dad and I to be invited to a fish fry at Pat's house. Heck, my brother still goes fishing with his ex-father-in-law! Pat's fish recipe has been passed around among us, so no matter how few or how many of us there are, the fish is always great. The ingredients aren't really strictly measured; you use what you need. Feel free to adjust the quantities of any of the ingredients below to accommodate the crowd you are feeding. In my experience, no matter how much fish you cook, it won't be enough. 1-2 lbs. will probably feed 3-4 people with normal appetites.

Pat's Fried Fish

1-2 lbs. of fish fillets, preferably walleye or lake perch, but you can use whiting or pollock or any other inexpensive mild, thin, flaky white fish in a pinch. Bluegill are pretty good with this treatment, too.
2-3 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/4 c. milk
1 c. flour
2 c. seasoned Italian bread crumbs
salt & pepper to taste
vegetable oil

Put a large cast iron skillet over a medium to medium high heat and add enough vegetable oil to make a depth of about 1-1 1/2 inches deep. Heat the oil to about 350 degrees, if you are using a candy thermometer to check.

Put the flour in a pie pan or shallow dish. Season with a little salt and pepper. Put the bread crumbs in another pie pan or shallow dish. Combine the beaten eggs and milk in a third pie pan. Rinse and pat the fish fillets dry. Feel them for any bones, and remove any that you find.

Dredge the fish fillets in the flour, then dip them in the egg wash and then roll them in the bread crumbs to coat. This step can actually be done earlier in the day and the fish put on a plate and refrigerated until you are ready to fry.

When the oil is hot enough, gently lower several pieces of fish into the hot oil. Don't do too many at a time, or the oil temperature will drop and the fish won't cook up crispy. Let the fish cook to a nice deep golden brown on the outside, turning if necessary in your pan. Take the pieces out and drain them on paper towels, making sure to lightly sprinkle them with just a little salt when they are fresh out of the oil. You can keep the pieces warm on a cookie sheet in an oven set on low, presuming, of course, that you and your guests can resist nibbling on the fish as it comes out of the oil!

Hot Rice

1-2 Tbs. unsalted butter
1 medium onion, finely diced
1 hot banana pepper, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
2-3 Tbs. Hungarian paprika, either sweet or hot or a combination of both
3 cans stewed tomatoes (don't use Mexican or Italian style ones), which have been lightly pureed in a blender or food processor; they should still have some chunks of tomato visible
1 cup chicken broth or water
1/2 cup uncooked long grain white rice
salt and pepper to taste

Heat a large non-stick skillet over medium heat and add the butter. When the butter has melted, add the onions, hot pepper and garlic and saute until the onions are golden and softened. Add the rice and stir to coat the grains with the butter. Saute a minute or two, then add the paprika and cook a further minute or so, stirring constantly. Add the stewed tomatoes and broth or water, as well as a little black pepper and salt. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to a low simmer. Cover and cook for 30-45 minutes, stirring occasionally, until rice is tender. Add additional water or broth if needed during the cooking time to get the right consistency. This is a variable and is a matter of personal preference. I tend to like my hot rice just a bit soupy, but there are those that like it lots soupier and those who like it thicker. My preferred consistency is probably best described as very soupy risotto. It's not traditional, but I sometimes add just a bit of Louisiana hot pepper sauce, depending on the heat level of the banana pepper. I've also made this using one of my brother's pickled hot peppers when I haven't had a fresh one on hand.

Cole Slaw

1 small head cabbage, about 1 1/4 lbs.
3/4 cup vinegar
1/2 cup oil
1/3 cup plus 1 tbsp. sugar
salt to taste

Shred cabbage finely. You should have about eight cups. Combine vinegar, oil and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat and whisk until sugar has dissolved. Bring to a boil and then pour dressing over cabbage and season with salt. Toss well. Cover and refrigerate for at least two hours, stirring occasionally.

I have found that you can use two bags of pre-shredded angle hair coleslaw with good results. Since the dressing is heated, I usually cut the oil back to 1/4 cup. This keeps really well in the refrigerator. It's also good with a teaspoon or two of celery seed stirred into the dressing right before you pour it over the slaw, and feel free to add finely diced green and/or red bell peppers for variety.